[cn. abuse mention]
Around 2015, I came to the undeniable conscious realisation that I was really f*cked up and I needed to do something about it ASAP.
I knew that I not only had a unhealthy relationship with other people in my life... I also had an unhealthy relationship with myself.. Harsh inner dialogues... Ignoring feelings that were screaming to be acknowledged... I didn't know what my 'No' or my 'Yes' really were because I had never asked myself the deep question: "What do I want?" In the absence of the money or the resources to pay for an expensive counsellor… I started journaling. It was my DIY punk way of self therapising. And it was a long process of cultivating an awareness of what I was saying to myself, how different parts of me interact .. the relationship dynamics inside of me, and then changing things about it, seeing what happens. What I found here, was that if I changed the way I related with myself, it would have remarkable impacts upon everything else in my life that I was relating with. Changing one would change the other... And so began the technology of magic that I have utilised and developed ever since. This lead, eventually, to a radically different life, sense of myself and relationships with others.. But it wasn’t just the healing.. It was the further magic, the perceptual hacks & trippy things that I realised you could do with reality… this experimental perspective started to touch & relate to everything…
It was a way of embracing and integrating it all.. Of bringing together my loves of science & art… To become present with the situation and ask what was there.. To understand that these would be the experimental conditions & then introduce some aspects / make some changes and see what happens. I mean it so deeply and completely when I say : Writing has changed my Life. I sincerely feel the missing piece to many people’s lives is EXPRESSION, full unhindered expression. We all know, on some level, that we only really relate / connect from about 2% of ourselves, of our life, of our energy, of our wildness.. And that ache of longing you live with, its most likely an ache to show more, maybe we haven’t even yet allowed ourselves to meet ourselves… this widely, this deeply… Yet. But we can start with a small and easy step.. and , for me, that step was deciding to keep a journal. You can start anytime. But why not now, when so much gorgeous enchanting discovery is waiting to be unfurled by you? Your pen is your spade to excavate the luscious mysteries of yourself. Now go forth, and write.
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